Seriously Funny Joke…. Mental Health Hotline

I share this with you because I suffer or have suffered from at least 4 of the following conditions yet I still find this hilarious. It is primarily included because of the memory part of the joke.

It is meant to make light of mental health issues because there is more chance of us being able to deal with this challenges if we are laughing and smiling than if we are sombre and serious.  Yes it is serious if you, like me struggle with any of these.  However being able to laugh about it is one way of dealing with it.

So if you are inclined to be offended, stop reading now and navigate away from this page.

Disclaimer Lecture over…

..Here goes…

“Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline”

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep o before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are blonde don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.